So things have been crazy lately. I've been working nonstop, I'm living in the busiest city in the world, and I have zero friends. I'm a girl, so that's just a recipe for an emotional roller coaster. Luckily, I've found that when times are tough, sometimes all you really need is a good laugh. So that's all this post is really for! Here's something that always makes me giggle:
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| People....I tell ya.. |
And here's a quick story! I warn you now, this story is not for the faint of heart. If you're one of those people who can't hear the word "fart" without gagging, I counsel you to read no further. I can laugh about it now, but a few days ago, when it was happening. It wasn't so funny.
My brother, dad, and I had to run uptown to Bed Bath & Beyond to pick up some fans (because this heat is unbearable, and running the AC is expensive). Well, it didn't take us long to discover that my brother had some pretty nasty gas...I mean, he's naturally a pretty gassy guy, but he even admitted it, this was the worst gas he's ever had. I don't know what we fed him, but it smelled like maybe it had been ripening inside of him for the past 22 years of his life.
Well anyway, he walked down an aisle before me, and I innocently followed him. Big mistake. I walked right through a huge, pungent cloud of his flatulence. My mouth was open and everything! Eyes watering, gag reflex activated, I did what anyone would do (okay I don't know about that...I did what I would do, which is make a scene). I loudly coughed, fell to the ground in agony, whimpering and exclaiming something along the lines of, "I CAN TASTE IT!" I looked up a few moments later, only to discover my dear brother had escaped into the toothpaste aisle and had left me paralyzed in the middle of the store. My dad, aware of the commotion the fruit of his loins had caused, was hibernating somewhere in the vacuum section, pretending to have no association whatsoever with us.
So I was left alone, much too close to the source of the stench for comfort. Just as I contemplated nonchalantly slipping away before anyone stumbled into no man's land, I heard a noise to my right. To my utter horror, there was an employee blundering toward me, brandishing a large can of Febreeze and shouting "WOO-WEE, Lawd have mercy on me!" At that point, I completely lost it. I broke out in hysterics, and, tears streaming down my face, went to tell my brother of the chaos he had created. The worst part is, when we finally reconnected with my cowardly father, he notified me of a conversation between two employees that he had overheard in which one said, "Yeah, I think it was that girl." ME?!?!?! So not only did I have all hopes of eating dinner spoiled by Adam's savagery, I also found myself being framed for a crime that I in no way committed. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my life.
